Tina [Fey] had a great line to me and [Entourage producer] Rob Weiss at the Emmys four years ago. We were like, ‘You’re just gonna beat us every year, huh?’ And she looked at us deadpan and said, ‘Yeah, but I’m sure you guys get more pussy than I do.

Are you kidding, vagina is my third favourite hole.

Believe me, you will come back stronger than ever. Like Lance Armstrong. But with two balls.

People go crazy over money. People go crazy over women. But your real friends are the ones that will stick around.

No, hold on a second. I’ve never hit a woman in my entire life, but I swear to God, in my mind right now I am pummeling your smug face to a pulp for everything that you did to me, my career and my family.

I could bring up the Spanish inquisition and Scott would turn it into a sexual innuendo.

Listen, sweetheart, you want to call and butter me up with sympathy, and then drop this on me because you think that I’m down and will kowtow to anything. Let me explain this to you in a metaphor you will understand, I am sure there are guys who have fingered you in the ass long enough that eventually you let them fuck it. And now you think you got me bent over with your finger in my ass, thinking I’m gonna let you do the same. I am not like you, Dana. You will not fuck me in the ass!

Yeah, I’d blow myself if I was more flexible.

Word to Johnny Drama, keep my Entourage with me!

I got dinner with the wife, she’s gonna cut my balls off.